The Summer Retrospective

A change has occurred. Test subject appears to have shed the behavioral patterns that categorised his life over the last few years. Select diary enties attached.

17 June 2006
Today I ceased to be a student. The initial mind spasms of joy at this realisation have now been replaced with a vague aura of emotional discord. The problem, as usual, seems to be the rest of the Universe. Celebration led to drinking; led to joviality; led to more drinking; led to music. The night glowed copper from the output of a hundred electric street lights. Opening a window to ease the passage of the sound waves emitting from the stereo, we took to the quiet streets with beer firmly clenched in hand. Much merryment ensued until from a window emerged a face aged and hardened from long hours queuing to collect a dole cheque.
‘Fucking students. Turn that fucking music down. Some of us have to be up tomorrow.’
Politely we explained that we were no longer students, that we were now paying for him to mug old ladies and impregnate teenage girls and that, while getting up early may seem important, missing an episode of Trisha was not going to be the figurative end of the world. Alas, our pleas fell on deaf ears and vocal chords expressing that they were going to petrol bomb our house.

02 July 2006
Yesterday we moved into our new flat. The front is almost an oasis in the uninhabitable wasteland of Salford. The back is overshadowed by the two ominous towers of Salford University’s student accommodation. A permanent concrete reminder of the world we’ve left behind. So far Fitzy’s not had to vacuum up his own sick, the traditional means of christening a new house. This should be considered a stroke of luck as we don’t yet have a vacuum cleaner.

22 July 2006
Seen no sign of the neighbour’s recently. I can’t help but wonder if our behaviour at the accidental street party last week in some way caused offence. I’m fairly sure we were well behaved, but one thing I’ve learned is that I have a knack for offending people without realising it. In hindsight the Tequila may have been a mistake.

15 August 2006
Something strange has happened. We’re actually getting on with our neighbours. We’ve integrated into their community. We go drinking with a married couple. We discuss the tribulations of life with a Polish guy who lives upstairs. I have no idea what his name is because Fitzy forgot it and felt it would be rude to ask again. He was right, it would have been rude… But helpful. Still, we’ve taken to referring to him as ‘Martin’.

03 September 2006
Today Fitzy’s workmate Adam came round and we decided to visit Phil and Kelly, the aforementioned married couple. After a few drinks Adam spilled beer over their floor, and Kelly’s foot. He then fell into a shrub. May have to watch his alcohol intake in future.

09 September 2006
Today I awake to find that Fitzy’s workmate Adam has been sick over our sofa. This marks the first time bile has been excreted in this house since we moved in. He blames the outburst on the burgers he bought from a Kebab shop, the staff of which he racially abused some weeks previous. While not unlikely that they would wish to poison him, should watch his alcohol intake even closer in future.

23 September 2006
Disaster. Everything ruined. Too busy monitoring Adam’s alcohol intake. Should have realised a Chris would ruin everything. Chris only had three drinks. Oh it was all fun and games when he drove his car into the wall AFTER he’d parked it perfectly, but now we have the luminous green vomit patch to contend with. It’s destroyed Fitzy’s favourite chair and stained the laminate flooring. Worse still, Martin saw us burning the mop used to clean it up. He looked… Perplexed. Not heard from Phil or Kelly since Adam made a dent in their bushes. [Despite the initial first impression Chris is now my current flatmate. Currently he has not destroyed any more furniture. -Curator]

08 October 2006
Saw Martin for the first time since the ‘incident’ a few weeks back. He didn’t seem as comfortable in my company as he had done before he’d seen us burning a mop on the street. Last night I dreamt that I had booked a holiday to Japan. Also that a couple of horses pulling a carriage were hit by a train with such force that the horses exploded in a shower of guts and brains. Woke up annoyed that i wasn’t going to Japan. Felt indifferent to the fact that no horses had been killed.

Observation will continue…

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~ by Octaeder on December 10, 2006.